I didn’t realize it had been almost 3 weeks since my last post! Time is flying by. I made a very last minute, quick trip home and it took a while to recover. An eight hour overnight drive and a few days of non stop moving. Caffeine levels were high and the times filled with climbing and visiting friends and family. It was a great time and much needed trip. When I moved away from home I never thought I’d want to come back. I thought I was finished and their wasn’t anything left for me. Boy I was wrong. That saying “you don’t know what you have until its gone” is very true here. I got chills driving through the mountains witnessing all the beauty it had to offer. I reminisced about when I was child and looking out the window I’d pretend I was walking in the middle of all the trees and fields as if it were home. Soon, I’ll be doing just that. Michigan is so flat, I never knew how much joy some hills could bring to me. So much land and so much beauty at home, something I experienced but never appreciated this much. When I’m finally done with all my travels, I would have no problem returning back to PA and making a home in those mountains.
I took a friend home with me and got to show him my local crag. The one that I learned on, fell in love with and will preach about till I die. It holds a special place in my heart. I was able to finish a route clean first try that I struggled on before I moved, and finished one I had never tried before. One I always looked at and thought wasn’t possible for me. I’ve really learned how much of a mental challenge climbing is. Your spend more time battling your mind then struggling with your strength. Truth is, if someone else did it, then its possible for you too. The photo to the left is me on Hearts Horizon 10b which is a long slightly slabbed sport route. It has a weird start and some run out bolts that will mess with your head, but it is beautiful.
Since returning back to MI from my trip home I really did need to recover a little. I had way to much caffeine, especially for a person with Bipolar. I also haven’t been getting much sleep so I had to kind of wean myself back into my normal routine. Focusing on finishing my finals for school did not help either, but it was determination at its finest. Surprisingly with everything that was going on I did not feel the effects that I thought I would. Other than just being extremely tired, my mood was still stable and I didn’t feel manic or depressive.
In the last week I realized I’ve been off medication for about a few months. Usually at this point in the past I will have experienced some type of episode that I would have to deal with. So far I’m episode free and I couldn’t feel more relieved about it. Sometimes I do miss the jolt of energy that mania gives me, but its much better to be stable. As with anything tho, you never know how long it will last.
I’m not a person that has much of an opinion on medication when it comes to being on or off them. Depending on what state I’m in you could get two different opinions. For me personally its my goal to be off completely because I prefer to be all natural with no chemicals and theirs something fascinating to me about being able to control a bipolar mind without the help of meds. On the other hand I also recognize the benefits of taking medication and support it. Even I can admit there comes times that I cannot handle it alone and the medication helps. Some people also need it more than others. Everyone is different. Always talk to your doctor before making any changes. In my case, both of my doctors believed I would be fine with out medication, and overtime I feel its gotten a lot easier to manage.
The title of this post is “Feed your heart, heal your soul”. Its open to interpret anyway you want but this is something I’ve been trying to live by the past couple months. Going through some life changes and working on building a better me and setting out the plans for my future. This trip in the next year will be life changing and will hopefully open up my heart a little more. I’ve noticed in the past 5 years how the series of events in my life have made me a little more negative and pessimistic. I want to change that and I cant wait to see how this trip will effect me. Or how the events leading up to it will benefit me. I’ve been able to gain some really wonderful people in my life in the last year, and their positivity continues to inspire my growth as well.
I’m leaving for the Red tomorrow. Kentucky here I come! Ready for a few days of climbing and camping. I’ll leave you with another picture from my trip home. St. Petes, “my favorite place on earth” as I love to call it.